I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Randomize
