I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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