u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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