Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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