Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
PANTIES FOUND
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