I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
