You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
