it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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