yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
