Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
