I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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