i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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