brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
