I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
