You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
