No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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