the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
