it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
