Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
