porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
barbara walters just said penis...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
