The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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