Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
