I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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