I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
