you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
