I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
