I feel like I'm in dance class right now
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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