There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
