the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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