Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I party with great urgency now.
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