Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Randomize
