I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
