how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
