They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
