Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
