dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
