ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
