Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
now i know why i became what i already was.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
