She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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