she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
