what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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