ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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