it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
