ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
