don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Who died my cat blue again?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
