Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
