I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
