After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
