he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
