In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
