Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
