Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
