Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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